Cancer doesn’t just affect the person diagnosed it has an impact on the people who are closest to them and it can also be very stressful for their partners. For many partners there will be a period of shock, anxiety and fear until they have adjusted to the situation. There are many tricky topics for couples to negotiate during diagnosis, through treatment, and beyond and one of those topics is sexuality and intimacy.
Being close to someone who has been diagnosed and treated for cancer can impact on all aspects of the relationship including the sexual and intimate relationship of a couple. There may be a number of concerns, including resuming sexual activity because you are afraid of hurting your partner, or concerned that initiating sex is inappropriate when they are feeling tired or unwell. You may be worried about showing shock at scar or other bodily changes due to treatments, or anxious that the chemotherapy and radiotherapy could have an effect on you. It may be that you are worried about the future and are fearful of losing your partner. All of these issues may play a role in diminished sexual intimacy.
Equally your partner may be concerned about whether you will still find her attractive, how you see her now, and if you will be comparing things to how they were before. These concerns are common, and you may be both making assumptions about how the other feels without knowing it. Communication with your partner is key and taking the time to discuss how she feels about intimacy, and when she thinks a good time might be to resume sexual activity. It is important to have an open and honest conversation that remains supportive to discuss fears and worries you both have, dispel some myths and how you will overcome them and potentially show affection in other ways.
If you can relate to some of these points, it is really important to chat to a health professional, there are often simple strategies to help address these problems.
Below are some resources that may also be helpful:
https://www.petermac.org/services/support-services/cancersurvivorship/survdirect/sex-and-intimacy
https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/impacts-of-cancer/sex-and-cancer
